I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
