a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
