You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
