Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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