You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
