my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
