Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
