I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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