Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
