Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
