he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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