From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
