Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
