I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
