I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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