This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
