Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
