We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
