i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
