maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
