Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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