Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
