The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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