Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
