:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
