Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
