My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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