just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
