I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
