fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
