I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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