two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
