My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
