I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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