3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
