every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
