just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
