"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The Olympian is in my bed
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
