$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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