I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
