Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
