You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
