I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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