dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
