when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
