More tranny stories later!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this boner is exhausting
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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