ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
