Walk of Shame. In a state park.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
