I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
