Ambien. No doubt about it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
