she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
